Someone once told me that you couldn’t tell how bad things use to be in my life looking at it now. At first I blew the comment off but then I had to go back and ponder on it.
People close to me handled my life situation in a lot of different ways, some chose to ignore, some chose to make excuses, some took pity and some blamed me. Well many blamed me, there had to be a reason for why things were going the way they were and the problem was me. At times I chose to make pretend and act as if things were better and different. I remember someone telling me that black people did not run away from home. So I was suppose to stay there and endure things because of the color of my skin?
I didn’t blame a person for what was going on but rather emotions and events. I was honestly a little girl stuck in a bad situation. I wasn’t a bad child i wasn’t surrounded by evil. Things were just hard and got expressed the wrong way. Call it dumb or naive to believe this way but it’s how I came to terms with what went on and who’s to say that it isn’t true.
So when someone said that it seemed as if things were different, I didn’t know how to feel. Things are always up and down that I hardly bother to dwell on it anymore. I don’t get hope anymore that things will be different because it’s always temporary and temporary faith and hope in something is the worst feeling. Yes i would love for things to be different and stay different but. I can no longer focus all of my energy on wanting that change.
Part of my journey is learning to accept the things and people I cannot change. I can want and wish for the best but I will not try and change things. Just like my hair, there are things that I have no control over. The only thing that I can do is pick up some bobby pins and know that I tried my best. One thing is for sure. No matter the situation, I’ll always smile and remain
Happy Nappy



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