Thanks For The Memories.

Memories are impressive. According to Webster; memory is the ability to retain knowledge: the ability of the mind or of a person or organism to retain learned information and knowledge of past events and experiences and to retrieve that information and knowledge. According to Psychologists, people remember certain events and recall them vividly but they never actually happened. It’s like waking up from a dream and believing that it happened.

For the longest time, I have been running away from memories. I have been trying to escape my life, my past and my family. Even though things in my life improved and I have found happiness. I still cannot escape my memories. I am still taunted by the memory of being raped, my memory of being an outcast and many memories of my problematic family. I used to wish on stars when I was little to find love. I wanted to find someone or people who loved and wanted me, I wanted a family. Now that I am older, I have grown to accept the things in people I could not change, I found love in my family, and of course; Michael. I am not saying that I don’t have any problems, but I am learning how to handle them.

I have based my current relationships with people based on my memories with them. I remember my oldest sister bringing me food when my grandmother sent me upstairs without dinner until my mother came home. I remember my little sister not wanting to sleep in her own bed, so she would wait until the lights were out and she would come lay in mine. I tried my hardest to match good memories with people, but there were certain things/memories I couldn’t forget or let go of.

Instead of boring you with this entire story, I’ll get straight to the point because it is way more important. Let your memories serve as a guide but never let it be your final judgment. I have spent years thinking that people do not change because my memories of them reflected that. I spent all of my time being upset and hurt and pissed that I never stopped to give them any extra chances. I have always wanted their love and attention but I let my memories stand in the way of taking that leap. I had to realize that just like it took me some time, it took them some time also. People don’t always notice their flaws and some aren’t ready to give up what they want for what’s best. We were both on the ledge just hoping that the other would send a signal that it is okay to jump over. Memories are moments from the past. They might reflect future instances but there is a chance that they don’t. Do not let a memory dictate your next move but don’t blind yourself from a memory let it serve as a reminder.

Bye bye old memories, hello chance, fate, love and hope.

Happy Nappy

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