Being Natural, 20, Engaged, and Still in College

I knew the moment he put the ring on my finger that life was going to be different. Not because we were going to be married; but because from that moment forward I really had to learn to balance everything. First off, we do not live together. We are not even in the same city. I am off at school and he is back home at work. Being engaged for one month means we had to learn how to communicate. Yes; I practiced that while we were dating but I was never really good at it. I’m also not talking about telling him how my day was but about expectations for when you all move in and get married. I took a Marriage and Family class and my professor said that the reason many relationships fail before they get to the alter but after they move in is because of expectations. People expected their partner to do what their mom did or cook and clean but they never voiced those wants to their partner. No I didn’t hand him a list of things I won’t do but want him to do nor did I air my grievances. We talked about subjects like doing laundry or balancing check books when they came up and we figured out a system of what would be okay for both of us. The next thing all of this had taught me, is that it’s important to schedule time alone, time with him and time for life. My main problem when we were dating was that I wanted to do homework, hang with him and my friends all while secretly wishing I was alone. I am the type of person to overbook, overwork, and tire myself out. Being a grumpy friend, student and fiancee does no good for anyone. I had to learn how to manage my time with everything but most importantly carve out time for myself. Wine get married and have kids and cater to everyone but themselves and find themselves burned out and miserable. The best thing you can do for everyone is making sure you are okay mentally, emotionally, and physically. Time to myself could me doing my hair, reading a book, enjoying a bath or just resting; something that’ll help pull me back together and find peace. Then I can manage my world. The last few things are quick; do not stress about a wedding. I have watched too many Bridezillas and they turn the most magical day in their life into hell. Handle all important things before you  plan a wedding. People jump straight from engagement to marriage fast and never set down with family and partner to take care of business. I am young so my mother had a list of tasks we had to complete before I saw the wedding bells. Some of them were just her being a bit much *cough cough*, while other things were essential for me and Michael not only as a family but also individuals. I’d rather take care of things now then struggle to figure stuff out later. The last thing and it’s essential; keep courting one another. We get so comfortable with one another and your routine that you leave romance behind. Keep dating your husband, it keeps things fresh and wonderful and fun. You don’t always have to go spend money but you do have to leave the couch. Yes work is stressful and all you want to do is lay in bed; but being happy is the cure for stress (don’t quote me). It’s important to show each other why you got married in the first place and continue to get to know one another. We are always evolving and changing so there’s always a lot to learn.
This one month has been an amazing learning and growing experience for me and I know marriage is going to be one heck of a ride.
Until next time,
Happy Nappy